7 Critical Mistakes That Are Making Motherhood Harder

When momma goes down, everybody goes down.

I want to save you all the time and pain I possibly can by sharing with you the things that I have tried in motherhood that have not worked and the things that has worked instead.

So here are 7 common things that do not work in motherhood:

1. TRYING TO PLEASE FAMILY ALL THE TIME

I didn’t realize I was doing this at first. I thought I was just trying to be a great daughter, daughter in law, and wife.

But trying to please everyone does not work.

If I am trying to create my own family culture and traditions, eventually I am going to ruffle some feathers. If I am not ruffling any feathers at any point, there is likely a problem.

My husband and I are trying to create something unique for our family together, but our extended families are not always going to understand or like it. We are not disrespectful in that, we are simply choosing to do things differently, and that’s okay.

2. TRYING TO PLEASE MY HUSBAND AT ALL TIMES

When I first got married, I was looking for affirmation from him as if he was my boss. I was putting too much pressure on him to notice and affirm all the things I had done around the house.

A LOT OF WHAT I DO AS A MOTHER IS HIDDEN WORK

My husband is not going to see all of the diapers I change, how much I get up throughout the night, every snack I make, every mess I clean up, or all the times I try to choose patience over yelling.

I NOW CHOOSE TO LIVE FOR AN AUDIENCE OF ONE

The Lord sees my work!

I don’t know how I would do motherhood without the Lord because He gives me strength, patience, and help in the moments that I need it.

I choose to be faithful in the hidden work because it is beautiful and it is important.

3. ALLOWING MY KIDS TO MAKE ALL THE DECISIONS

A mentor I lived with while I was in school had multiple children and gave me some great advice about motherhood.

She said, “Lana, you do not run a diner”.

She went on to explain that when you’re a mother, you have a family to feed multiple times a day, you don’t have time to take special orders.

I will take my kids’ thoughts and preferences into consideration and I will ask them if they want a special meal at times, but at the end of the day, I have to get food on the table.

KIDS WANTS SOMEONE TO BE IN CHARGE

Truly, I believe that letting kids make all the decisions is unsettling to them because they will feel like nobody is in charge. Kids are not developmentally ready to be in charge and although they may act like they want to make the decisions, deep down it is unsettling to them.

MY HAND IS ON THE STEERING WHEEL

If my husband is gone at work, my hand is on the wheel and I am trying to take my family somewhere intentionally.

Early in parenting, I didn’t have a plan for my days, I would just let the day take me where it went.

Now, I like to make progress on something throughout the day and try to get something out of the day rather than asking my kids what they want to do all day every day.

4. COMPARISON

Seeing highlights and parenting advice from people on Instagram I don’t really even know was very hurtful to my motherhood. I was at the whim of the algorithm and I was taking in too much input.

TAKING ADVICE FROM TRUSTED PEOPLE IS WISE

It’s a great idea to have trusted authors and mentors you are constantly learning from and growing alongside.

But the constant noise from social media left me feeling shameful and confused.

When I tuned out of social media, I was able to tune into my mother’s intuition.

5. HAVING TOO MANY KIDS CLOTHES AND TOO MANY TOYS

The more clothes I have, the more laundry I have to manage.

I have been so blessed by friends passing me hand-me-down clothes. But sometimes when I haven’t gone through the clothes I’ve already been given, I have to turn down a really good hand-me-down offer so that I don’t get too backed up.

IF I’M OVERWHELMED, MY KIDS ARE OVERWHELMED

When I am going into a crazy season like baseball season or having a baby, I know I need to reduce the toys that have a million pieces for a while. Putting things in the attic and decluttering has helped me a ton.

I used to take in random toys that had tons of pieces, lots of noise, and lots of color. But now I truly believe there is something triggering to me and my kids about toys that look like clutter.

I have a blog post I wrote on how to minimize the toy overwhelm that I will link here!

6. NOT HAVING A PLAN FOR DINNER

Not having a plan for dinner never works out well for a mom. Dinner is coming no matter what.

Getting a plan after breakfast is a game changer because we never know where the day is going to take us.

GET A PLAN FOR DINNER AFTER BREAKFAST

Once breakfast is taken care of, I try to do something for dinner. Whether that’s thawing meat, browning the meat with an onion, throwing something in the instapot, or even making the whole meal if it’s soup or something that can simmer all day.

*If you need a good soup recipe two soups I like to start early in the day are taco soup and beef stew.

3-5PM after kids have woken up from naps can be a tough time with littles. But typically my littles are happy and playing in the mornings after breakfast.

Trying to figure out dinner at 5pm has never worked out well for me.

Getting something started after breakfast will help you so much, trust me!

beef pieces, with flour and pepper to mix

7. TRYING TO MOM ON EMPTY ALL THE TIME

Believing the narrative that I could continuously pour from an empty cup was not working out for me.

The Lord can bridge the gap for us when it’s needed. He gives us strength when we have nothing left. But it is not wise or good stewardship to continuously put ourselves in this position.

I LEARNED TO CARVE OUT TIMES OF REJUVENATION FOR MYSELF

I would work myself until I had nothing left, then I would beat myself up about getting to that place.

So instead, I now ask my husband for what I need in order to get some rejuvenation through alone time.

My ears were fatigued. So I implemented things like going to a workout class twice a week without the kids, going to a coffee shop in the morning alone, or going on a morning walk while my husband holds back the waters for me.

This takes sacrifices and planning, but I know that if I am not rejuvenated, my whole family suffers.

WHEN MOMMA GOES DOWN, EVERYBODY GOES DOWN

It helps so much to ask myself, “What is one life giving thing I can do for myself today?”

It’s so important to take the time to pour into my heart, my soul, my intellect, and my relationships.

I think about myself as a mother like a spring of water. When I am doing well and overflowing, it flows down to my family, but when I’m not doing well, it’s really hard on my family.

I hope that you will take one thing from this post and implement it to your life. If you read this post and don’t take any sort of action out of it, I don’t think it was a very good use of your time. So choose one thing you’re going to stop doing after this and comment it below!