Is a Pain Free Birth the Goal?

This is a hot take! After 6 natural births, I have a lot of thoughts on the “pain free birth” trend.

The pain free birth trend says that if we believe enough or have enough faith, we can have a completely pain free birth.

But what if there is a purpose in the pain of birth? What if the pain could be different than we imagine?

I believe that there is something even more powerful we can embrace than trying to manifest a pain free birth.

THE PAIN FREE BIRTH TREND

When I was pregnant with my second baby, a friend gifted me a Christian book called Supernatural Childbirth. This book focused on a woman who spoke a narrative over herself and her future birth that she would have zero pain in her birth, and that’s exactly what happened for her.

Some of the things I read about in the book seemed to line up with the education I received in a Hypnobirthing course I took before my first birth.

My main takeaway from the course was that I could visualize myself staying calm and that would help minimize the pain.

I absolutely believe it when the Bible says in Philippians 4:8:

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.”

However, I do not believe we can “manifest” a pain free birth.

I DID NOT FEEL PREPARED FOR WHAT I ENCOUNTERED

In preparation for my first birth, I watched videos of women giving birth who seemed so calm and quiet. They didn’t seem to be struggling at all!

Nobody in these courses told me that birth might be uncomfortable and there might be moments of pain. As long as I stayed calm, they told me that all of the pain was supposed to “leave my body”.

So when I did face the moments of pain, I thought something must be wrong or I wasn’t staying calm enough. I started to panic.

I thought that the goal of birth was to stay as comfortable as possible, so I huddled in the birth tub and ended up slowing my labor down.

This birth was long and full of fear. I left feeling like a failure.

Although I felt slightly more prepared for my second birth, I knew I still needed to make a change moving forward.

YOUR BRAIN DECIDES IF YOU FEEL PAIN

After my second birth, I read a book called Explain Pain that talked about how your brain decides whether we feel pain or not 100% of the time. When something sends a message to the brain, your brain then decides if it should send out pain to the body or not based on if the stimulus is dangerous or not.

IT IS A WORKING PAIN, NOT A HURTING PAIN

The most pivotal way I’ve reframed how I perceive labor is this: The pain I feel is a working pain, not a hurting pain.

Anyone who has exercised, done sports, or done a yoga pose understands this.

Your body is screaming at you to stop because it hurts. But you know that you are not actually hurt or in danger, it’s just your body working.

Despite our bodies screaming at us, our brains know that it is a working pain, not a hurting pain.

If our brains decide 100% of the time whether we feel pain or not, then it is so important that we are convinced that birth is not a dangerous emergency.

BIRTH IS NOT AN EMERGENCY

The World Health Organization says that 95% of the world’s births need little to no intervention.

5% of the time, there is a genuine emergency with birth, and thank God that we live in a place where we can get that help if we need it.

But in 95% of the entire world’s births, the woman’s body and the baby can do it naturally.

So most likely, any pain we feel in labor is a working pain, not a hurting pain.

PURPOSES OF PAIN IN BIRTH

Pain helps women instinctively get into different laboring positions. This opens up the pelvis and makes it easier for baby to descend.
Pain keeps mothers highly active and alert in the birthing process.
Labor pains trigger the body to release a flood of endorphins which are the body’s natural pain relieving hormones that are stronger than morphine.
The sounds the mother is making in labor can let the birth workers know where she is at in the labor process.
Heightened bonding between mom and baby. There are studies showing that animals who can’t feel like births have a harder time bonding with the baby

Woman in birth tub with little girl leaning over side

THIS IS NOT THE NARRATIVE IN OUR CULTURE

The fact that birth is natural and not dangerous is not the narrative we hear in our culture. This makes it difficult for us to be convinced that labor is not an emergency.

Most birth workers and our culture in general act like women are victims to the birthing process and of the fall. They act like birth is something we need to be saved from.

THE INTERVENTIONS CAN CAUSE THE THINGS WE FEAR

We are likely in the 95% of births that do not need intervention. But since our birthing system acts like we need to be saved from the pain, they intervene. These interventions can, and most of the time do, cascade into tons of painful complications that were causing our fear in the first place.

Midwife checking on new baby in birth tub

CHOOSE TO PARTNER WITH THE PAIN

We can choose to partner with the working pain rather than chasing comfortability. Birth might even take less time if we embrace and run through the heart of the pain rather than seeking comfort.

After all the mental work I did to change the way I see birth, I started to truly see labor pains differently.

In my first two births, I was running from the pain. But in my next four births, I had moments of uncomfortability, but I never felt like it was unbearable.

WHAT WE BELIEVE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE

What are we believing about birth? Perhaps the mental work of thinking about birth rightly is the first step in birth prep:

Do we truly believe that 95% of the time, birth is completely normal?
Do we believe that we don’t need to manifest the pain away but can instead partner with the pain as it works to bring our babies down and out?

PREPARING FOR LABOR AND OWNING YOUR PART IS VITAL

If you’re pregnant, there are things we should do to physically and mentally prepare ourselves for birth! I have a course that walks you through how to do this.

Equipping ourselves in pregnancy is wise, we shouldn’t just leave birth up to chance. Instead, we should do what we can to educate and prepare ourselves so that we can control what we can control, then let the Lord handle the rest.

THE TRUE GOAL

I believe that a pain free birth is the wrong goal to chase.

I believe the right goal to chase is to change your beliefs to truly know:

The pain in birth is a working pain, not a hurting pain.
The pain is productive!
Running right through the middle of the pain is better than seeking comfortability.